Connecting to Your Body

"How do you know what your body needs?? Sorry if that is a silly question."

I got asked this question recently, and needed to share that…This is not a silly question AT ALL. We are brought up to disconnect from our bodies. We are trained to ignore, silence or control our body's needs. Of course it's difficult to know what your body needs and how to give her that.

You're told to clear your plate, even though you're full.

You're told to dress a certain way, because your shoulders are "distracting" to the boys at school.

You're told to raise your hand in order to go oee.

You're told to stop crying.

You're told to sit still and be quiet, when you want to talk and move.

That's almost all of us. On top of that, you may have experienced trauma as a child and/or as an adult, and trauma-related survival reactions often lead to dissociation and disconnection from the body, furthering the disconnect.

I say all of this to remind you that connecting to your body can be extraordinarily difficult, and at times painful. We live in a society and many of us grew up in a family that does not value the information coming from your body, and sees her as another object to control and overcome. It's hard to listen for the needs of your body when you've been taught to ignore, silence or control them.

The process of reconnection is unlearning this training, and relearning how to be in connection with your whole self.

Questions to reconnect with your body's needs:

1) consistently (like, several times a day) ask yourself: "what am I feeling right now?" Look for emotions and body sensations.

—name what emotion(s) you're feeling. Check in with each part of your body (or start with one part if that feels more doable and safer): what sensations are in your feet? Legs? Low back? Chest? Upper back? Face? Check out this body sensations list. Name those sensations, which will help you connect emotional states to how they show up as sensation in your body, and will help lead to you what your body might need in that moment.

2) consistently (like, several times a day), as yourself: "what do I need right now?" Base your answers off of things like comfort, relieving pain, exploring stillness vs movement.

—Are you cold? grab a blanket and see what happens.

—Do you notice dryness in your mouth, or a grumbling in your belly? drink some water and/or eat a snack and notice how that changes things.

—Do you have some tension in your upper back? Get up and stretch or move a bit, and notice how that shifts the tension.

Take an experimental, curious attitude. Rather than "this sensation is horrible and uncomfortable", just notice "hmm, there's some tension in my shoulders, I wonder what happens if I move my arms around or change my posture."

Just noting the emotion, body sensations, and various actions that might shift your experience is part of how you begin to hone in on what your body needs and respond to those needs more consistently.

This takes time and practice. Please be patient and kind with yourself.