“I should be happy…but I’m not”: Postpartum Depression and Anxiety
After nine months of pregnancy, your baby was finally born. Things didn't go exactly as you planned. The doctors said the baby is healthy. Both of you are, according to the team. You heard from someone that's what matters. You heard from someone that your baby is a little miracle, and you must be so happy. Except, you are not happy. You are feeling overwhelmed. You are sad and crying and worrying and checking if the baby is breathing. You are not interested in talking to your friends when they text. They say it takes a village, but you have nobody around. People showed up in the first few weeks, but now, they're gone, back to their lives. They wanted to hold the baby, but who is holding you? You are not really hungry; food is not appealing. You can't sleep, even though people keep telling you to sleep when the baby sleeps, but what if something happens? The baby is supposed to be napping in the bassinet, but every time you try to put them down, they wake up. There must be something wrong with your baby. You can't stop thinking. You can't stop worrying. You don't regret having your baby, but you really miss who you were before. You waited your whole pregnancy to meet them, but now everything is just too much. You wonder if there is something wrong with you. You should be happy, right?
You are not alone.
According to Postpartum Support International, 1 in 5 birthing people share this experience. Postpartum depression and anxiety cases are even higher for parents dealing with extra stressors, such as members of the global majority, single parents, and Queer families.
You are not alone.
Some of the risk factors for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders are:
Lack of support and community
Financial challenges
Complications in pregnancy, birth, or lactation.
Fertility challenges
Unplanned or unwanted pregnancy
Pregnancy and/or infant loss
Having an infant(s) in the NICU
Symptoms of Postpartum Depression (PPD) include:
Sadness and depressed mood, feeling down, empty or hopeless much of the time
loss of interest or pleasure in activities that previously brought joy
appetite changes (either low appetite or overeating)
difficulty connecting with your baby, or uninterested in caring for the baby
feeling worthless or excessively guilty
thoughts of harming yourself or your baby (if you have this symptom, please reach out for support immediately)
Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety (PPA) include:
Excessive Worry, consistent and persistent fears about parenting, the baby’s health, etc
feeling restless or on edge
having panic attacks
feeling irritable
avoidance of situations (like caring for the baby solo) due to fear
physical symptoms like nausea, tension, dizziness, and rapid heart rate
For both PPD and PPA, symptoms might also include frequent and uncontrollable crying, low energy and fatigue, and sleep disturbances. While these symptoms in particular might be expected for any new parent, for those with PPD and/or PPA, they can be excessive. For example, you might notice yourself crying without knowing why and not being able to stop. You might notice difficulty sleeping, even though you are exhausted and the baby is asleep.
A mental health professional trained in postpartum mood and anxiety disorders can help you distinguish what symptoms might be expected, and what are possibly postpartum depression and anxiety.
Importantly, PPD and PPA can occur at the same time, and can develop anytime postpartum.
What can you do?
Thankfully, there are many resources out there created specially to support folks during this period of life.
Like I said before, you're not alone. Knowing that lack of community is a big risk factor for feelings of depression and anxiety, connecting with others is a significant step you can take.
You can start by opening up to the people around you. Let them know that things are harder than you expected. Ask and accept their help.
You can use a warm line. Call or text 888-404-7763. You will be connected with a parent who has experienced perinatal mood and/or anxiety disorder in the past and is now able and trained to provide support or a professional with specialized perinatal mental health knowledge.
Then, go beyond that. From peer support groups such as PEPS and FOCS or the ones offered by Perinatal Support Washington and Postpartum International, using apps designed to connect parents like Peanut or walking meetings and movement classes, you will find an alternative that works for you.
Lastly, reach out to a mental health professional. There are a few different ways to find a clinician. You can ask your pregnancy care team; your OB or midwife might have some names to share with you. You can throw the question to your community; someone there may have dealt with those feelings before. You can search the Perinatal Washington directory. Or, you can fill up the contact form and schedule a consultation with me. I offer both in person and virtual therapy in the Seattle area and across Washington.
I would love to hear your story. Click here to schedule a free 20 minute consultation.