4 Steps to Feeling Your Feelings

Got a lot of feelings right now? Me too. Like...so many.

And you’ve probably heard therapists the world over say “feel your feelings” or “make space to feel” or “honor those emotions.” But what does all of that really MEAN?

It's important to make space to feel your emotions. If you don't, then they will make themselves known, and likely not at a moment of your choosing. Emotions aren't meant to be ignored and put away. They are there to spur us to do something and care for ourselves.

but HOW do you feel a feeling? Here's a quick guide:

1) Name it. Pull out an emotion wheel (google it) and find a few words for what you're feeling. It might be one emotion, it might be a bunch at once. There are no rules here. Find some feeling words! Anxious? Sad? Angry? Content? Excited? 

Here are some emotions grouped together that you might be feeling:

anger

rage

exasperation

irritation

envy

disgust

agitated

frustrated

annoyed


shocked

surprised

powerless

stunned

astounded

speechless

confused

disoriented

disillusioned

engaged


sad

disappointed

despairing

depressed

guilty

hurt

ashamed

grieving

lonely


happy

proud

content

satisfied

enthusiastic

optimistic

cheerful

delighted

amused

curious


anxious

nervous

insecure

terrified

overwhelmed

panicked

worried

dreadful

scared

2) Name how your body is feeling. Really feel those sensations, don't just think them. How your body is experiencing these emotions gives you a lot of information. Checking in with your somatic experience keeps your more connected to yourself and more able to take care. What do you feel? Tension in your chest? Heaviness in your belly? Tingling in your arms? Constricted breathing? 

Here are some body sensations you might notice:

tense

tight

tender

nauseous

sore

achy

constricted

bubbly

tingly

shaky

trembling

queasy

fluttery

electric

prickly

burning

radiating

congested

thick

dull

frozen

buzzy

heavy

cold

numb

hot

hollow

empty

knotty

warm

cool

airy

spacious

expansive

fluid

solid

floaty

cool

smooth

Approach all of this with the mindset of "this emotion is tolerable, and I don't have to get rid of it right now." That's it! You felt a thing!

After you've done this, you might want to do something about it. You might want to soothe the feeling or give yourself some care and compassion.

3) What thoughts are attached to this feeling? Our thoughts, the stories we tell ourselves about something, can exacerbate the feeling or calm it. Are your thoughts judging the emotion? Are you telling yourself the emotion must end RIGHT NOW? See if you can practice some self-compassion: "It makes sense that I am feeling X" or "it is okay to feel X". Removing judgement can make the emotion easier to tolerate. Ask if the thoughts accompanying that emotion are true, kind and useful. If they're not, try to generate a thought or two that is.

4) Ask yourself what the emotion is trying to communicate. It's not a pointless thing, it's trying to get you do move or do something to meet your needs. Ask, what do I need right now? Anxiety might mean it's time for a break. Sadness might mean it's time for connection. Anger might be time for self-expression (just examples). Ask what you need and do that thing.

How are you doing right now?

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