10 Ways to Connect with Yourself
1. Write a “Where I’m From” poem.
What it is: The Where I’m From poems are part of the I Am From Project (for examples and more information: https://iamfromproject.com/poems-thru-8-2020/) connecting people to themselves and to each other through our personal stories and backgrounds. It is a type of prompted poem that incorporates aspect of your history, background, family, location, identities, memories, and feelings of your beginnings.
Why it works: Often times, we forget that stories are deeply connecting and help us make sense of our own existence. Humans are storytellers, brains respond well to stories. They give us a framework for our experiences and for things we do and do not quite understand. Working on a “Where I’m From” poem could help you connect to aspects of you that have gone unexamined, but that remain an integral part of who you are and how you see the world today.
2. Create rituals and routines.
What it is: Just like stories, most brains and bodies respond well to rituals and routines. Maybe it is a morning routine, a way to make space for time that does not belong to anyone else or your job or your never-ending to-do list. Maybe it is an after-work routine, a way to unwind your body and mind. Maybe it is a bed time routine, a way to cue your mind when it is time to rest and get sleepy. Whatever and whenever it may be, a ritual or routine can be a great way to connect with yourself better.
Why it works: I once heard: wherever we spend time, we invest it. Wherever we give our time, one of our most valuable and limited resources, is where we are investing ourselves. Rituals and routines are powerful placeholders in our fast- and faster- paced lives because they cause us to invest time in what sustains us, give us moments of pause and intention, and create structure around what we truly value and need.
3. Move.
What it is: When I use the term movement, I use it very intentionally. I’m purposefully not using the world “exercise”, though that does fall under the umbrella of “movement”. Movement is anything from neck and shoulder rolls, to yoga, to Pilates, to stretching, to shaking, to dancing and all and everything else that you can do with your body!
Why it works: Finding joyful movement, moves that feel good, create feel good feelings, etc. is one of the body’s natural ways to process emotional energy and boost mood! Some movement is challenging and sweat-inducing, some movement is calm and relaxing, whatever your body needs and wants go for it! Remember to have fun with it, stay within your body’s limitations, and that you do not have to move if you do not want to!
4. Use your breath.
What it is: Your breath is most often the most accessible way to connect with yourself—it’s always there. Connecting to yourself through your breath can happen many different ways:
simply noticing your breath as it is with no changes (the speed, depth, quality, sound, sensation, movement of body parts, temperature of the air, etc.)
deepening your inhales and exhales (counting can help you slow down your breathing and keep your mind busy)
adding a pause at the top or bottom of your breath (stopping when you’re full of air and stopping when your lungs are completely emptied. *not fully recommended for those who experience panic attacks or are triggered by holding their breaths.
Why it works: Your breath can tell you a lot about your current state of being. Is your system under stress? Are you scared…relaxed? Breathing is also a powerful tool in changing your current state of being. While breathing changes in response to your brain and body reacting to the environment or situation, it can also work in reverse – something called bidirectionality. Breathing signals your body and brain how to respond to the environment, too! By intentionally noticing and then deepening your breath, you are increasing awareness of your body’s response and are giving it a chance to change that response.
5. Start a “Body Letters Series”.
What it is: When I was working in a higher-level of care eating disorder treatment center, we would have daily therapeutic groups for clients to learn (and unlearn) some things about their relationship to themselves along their recovery journey. One of the most powerful prompts we ever used around connecting people to their bodies is called “The Body Letters Series”. The prompt is this: write a letter to your Body. Then, have your Body write back. You can keep it going as long as you’d like, back and forth, back and forth.
Why it works: In dominant American culture, we are not taught to relate to our body as a being, instead it is a thing, object, project, toy, etc. When we change the way we relate to our body, we create so much more room for change within the relationship. And relationships include all types of feelings and thoughts: love, hate, ambivalence, grief… When we realize that our body has something to say, some wisdom to share with us, we are fundamentally changing how we relate to ourselves. The truth is our bodies have an ancient type of knowledge, one of instinct and intuition, of the intangible. This means that our bodies do not often speak in words, but in images, feelings, sensations, memories, pain, colors, temperature, movements, etc. Body Letters can be a start to allowing your Body the room to speak. Since words might be limited, then you might tweak the prompt and instead of writing a letter—you sit still and ask your body what it has to share with you. The more we do this, the better we can connect to this ancient somatic wisdom that is always with us, always a part of us.
6. Validate yourself.
What it is: I’ve come across clients who were never given validation for their internal experience, who then never learned how to give themselves the validation they so desperately sought, that we all need. This is when I learned the importance of validation and the power of giving it to yourself.
How to validate: 1) acknowledge emotion/sensation/feeling/thought/whatever is part of your experience, 2) name or identify this experience (if you can, if not stay with it and go to next step) 3) say to yourself one or some of these phrases (or something like it):
“It makes sense that I am experiencing this (because…)”
“Wow, I’m having a hard time struggling with this.”
“This is hard.”/ This is scary. / This is overwhelming./ This is ____.”
“I’m experiencing a lot right now.”
Why it works: This 3-step validation process encourages us to acknowledge and accept our experience without trying to change it or berate ourselves for feeling it. This process allows space for self-compassion and self-kindness in the form of simple acceptance: This is what I’m feeling. This is ____. From here, we have more room to respond how we want to: with kindness, with comfort, with rest, with asking for help, etc. When we learn how to validate our own experience, we can become less desperate for others to meet that need for us and we get better at meeting it ourselves.
7. Keep small promises to yourself & offer yourself what you need.
What it is: Connecting with yourself through keeping small promises or giving yourself what you need follows nicely after self-validation mentioned in #6. Keeping small promises to yourself builds self-trust. For example, maybe you know already that planning your meals helps you eat more consistently, then keeping the promise to meal plan is a way to take care of yourself and offer yourself what you need. Maybe you know that after you journal, you feel a release of emotion and you feel better, then keeping the promise to journal builds trust that you will do what you need when you need it. The possibilities are endless: going to bed at the time you set for yourself, giving yourself time to read or space out during your day, drinking enough water, it really doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is something you can reasonably offer yourself without getting caught up in the self-shame spiral of “I didn’t do it today”. Self-trust is also forgiving yourself and doing your best at the next opportunity.
Why it works: Your body, your psyche needs to know that you will listen and respond to its needs as they come to your attention. A lot of times we are not paying attention to our needs, physical or emotional or otherwise! Once we cultivate the awareness, we have the responsibility to ourselves to act in a way to meet these needs. If we don’t, bad things usually follow: somatic symptoms, pain, anxiety, depression, restlessness, illness, etc. etc. Needs can be small: drinking water, 3 meals a day, 20 minute naps or they can be abstract needs: purpose, direction, hope. The more practice we get at listening and following through with what we need, the more we connect to ourselves and the better we move through this world.
8. Create a “Body Poem”.
What it is: Much like Body Letters, Body Poems are something I discovered in my own healing journey that allowed me to better connect to my body from a more body neutral capacity. Body Poems are poems, prose, or writings about each body part and what that body part has endured or how it functions to support you as a human being.
Why it works: Body Neutrality, the idea that we can relate to our bodies not for how they look or their shape or size but for what they can do, how they function, and how they support daily life. Body neutrality offers a different way to connect with ourselves, our bodies, that lies outside of the “you must love yourself and you are beautiful all the time and you should feel beautiful all the time because you are just the way you are” extreme body positivity culture. For some, that standard is just too far away and it creates shame and guilt in others. Body positivity is amazing! For some of us, body neutrality is also an amazing, hard-earned place to be at with ourselves. Body Poems allow us to really spend time with the separate parts of our bodies, diving into what they hold for us (memories, pain…) and what they do for us (breathe, lift, move, beat, embrace, rest, dance…).
9. Try something new!
What it is: Could be anything! Try a new hobby, creative pursuit, a new outfit, a new game, a new skill, a new genre of book!
Why it works: Trying something new is a great way to discover parts of yourself you’ve not interacted with. When we face novel situations, we learn a lot about ourselves. We learn that we’re actually rather hard on ourselves and like to be too perfectionistic. We learn that we’re actually rather suited to embroidery or rock climbing. We learn how we fare through new challenges, hopefully earning a new sense of pride and confidence or learning to be okay with not being the best at everything.
10. Go to therapy! :)
What it is: weekly, biweekly, monthly, etc. sessions with a mental health professional where you can work on challenges, practice new responses, create new insights, and acknowledge past dynamics. It’s a space to be heard, seen, understood, validated, and challenged.
Why it works: It’s the magic of therapy. It’s the deep healing that happens within a therapeutic relationship between two people willing to show up and see what happens. Therapy can be what you make it, and you only get out what you put in. Therapy is an excellent tool for connecting better with yourself and with others. If you’re thinking this might be the time for you to start therapy, click here to inquire about our team’s availability!
***Disclaimer: Some of these 10 ideas for connecting with yourself could connect you to some deep pain or trauma in working with your body or self in a new way. If this is the case, please stop or take it slow, know that you do not have to do this alone, and seek out help from a professional.