Tips for Self-Care: It's More Than Just Treating Yourself
“Self-care” is such a buzzword lately--I’d like to help you break down what it actually means, and what self-care might look like for you.
First things first: it isn't always “TREAT YO'SELF”. This is often the image we get when we think of self-care: relaxing, spa days, mani/pedis, glasses of wine in the bathtub. Yes, these can be self-care. But sometimes self-care is HARD--like setting a clear boundary with your partner or buckling down on your to-do list.
Self-care is about supporting your health and well-being, which means the intention behind your self-care matters.
If you’re drinking wine in the bathtub because you’re avoiding a hard but necessary conversation, that’s not self-care...it’s avoidance. But if you’re doing it because you know you have had a long day and need to relax, then it’s self-care.
If you’re going to the gym to “make up” for the cheeseburger you ate last night--that’s not self-care, it’s punishment and does not actually support your well-being. But if you’re taking an extra barre class because you love the community, encouragement, and bumpin’ playlists, *that’s* self-care.
Try to add nuance to what you consider self-care. If what you’re doing is with the intention of improving your well-being, coming from a place of kindness and self-compassion--*that’s* self-care.
Second things second: let’s talk about GUILT. The bugaboo of self-care.
You might be avoiding self-care because you don’t feel like you deserve it. Your energy is going into taking care of other people--your partner, your kids, your friends, your coworkers--and you worry that taking time away from them to care for yourself makes you look selfish.
You might push through your cold symptoms until you’re so sick that you HAVE to stay home from work. You might ignore signs of burnout and anxiety until you NEED a long vacation to recover. You might grit your teeth and keep taking care of other people until one day you just lose it.
Sure, as humans, we are primed to react instead of prevent. We don’t feel we need to act on something until the consequences are right in our face. But…“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
And here’s the thing, friend: SELF-CARE IS NOT SELFISH. You don’t have to earn it or prove that you need it.
You deserve to be cared for, especially by yourself. You are a wonderful human being, and taking care of yourself actually helps you be *more wonderful* to the other people you care for. You won’t be as tired, disconnected or burned out. When you put yourself at the top of your list, you end up being more present, energized and compassionate to everyone. I call that a win-win.
Now that we’ve got those two misconceptions out of the way...we can talk about the different facets of self-care. I break it down into three main areas:
ONE: PHYSICAL HEALTH
Know that physical health is about how you move and nourish your body, as well as your relationship to your body. Try to do this arena of self-care with an attitude of respect, compassion and appreciation for your body, no matter what shape and size it is. We are healthier all around when we disconnect our appearance from our health.
Caring for your physical health should always include basics like sleep (I put this at number one for everyone), drink water, shower, brush your teeth, and eat healthy (whatever that means for you, knowing that eating healthy is not just about *what* you eat, but also about your *relationship* to food).
It should also include things like joyful movement and seeing your doctor and dentist regularly (yes, even though you’re not a kid anymore, you should still be getting yearly check-ups!).
Attending to your physical health might also include extras like a manicure, long baths or a massage. TREAT YO SELF (but reasonably. Part of self-care is also attending to your financial situation).
Experiment with what makes your body feel good and helps you feel good in your body, and do those things regularly.
TWO: EMOTIONAL HEALTH
This section of self-care is MY JAM. Your emotional health is just as important as your physical health. In fact, your emotional health *directly impacts* your physical health. High levels of chronic stress, for example, can inhibit your immune system and make you more susceptible to short-term or even chronic illness. Your emotional and mental experiences are powerful forces. Take care of yourself here.
Emotional self-care can include daily emotional check ins, journaling, meditation and going to therapy.
Practice getting in touch with your emotional experience. Feel your feelings, rather than avoiding them or pushing them away. Even when you avoid them, they find a way to get felt later on, so you might as well do it now! Notice where you feel your emotions in your body; observe the sensations that are associated with each feeling state (for example: stress, for me, feels like nausea, loss of appetite, tightness in my chest, and tension in my shoulders). Name the emotion you feel: sadness, anxiety, happiness, contentment, love, grief, etc. Just naming an emotion has a huge amount of power. Then, observe the *thoughts* that are happening alongside that emotion. For example, my stress often comes with thoughts like “I’m never going to get this blog post done; When will I have time to do my laundry this week?” Observe these thoughts, and practice mindfully thanking them for their service, and grounding back into the present moment. Mindfulness meditation is the single best tool I know for emotional health. I could write an entire other post about that--for another day!
Express your emotions, to yourself and to someone else. Finding support is amazing here.
Remember, emotions are information, and motivators for action. Acknowledge and listen to them without judging yourself.
Notice an emotion and tend to it right away. Go to therapy, journal and meditate and you will have fewer panic attacks, experience less depression, feel less stressed and more present. Attend to your emotions, and do your self-care plan EVEN WHEN YOU FEEL FINE.
THREE: SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL HEALTH
Connection is healing, y’all. Caring for yourself socially and spiritually can include things like time with friends, playing with your pet, prayer, and being in nature. Even if you’re an introvert, you still need connection.
Find what makes you feel connected to people and the world/higher power/the universe (whatever spirituality is for you) and put those things on your self-care list. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation, and doesn’t work as well when we are disconnected from our place within the whole.
Create a self-care plan for yourself!
Take some time to reflect on what you already know works for you in each of these three areas. Come up with a long list of self-care actions, both the “treat yo’self” kind and the more difficult kind. Write these things down in your journal! This list can become your menu when you make time for yourself (every day), both when times are good and when times are rough. You don’t need to do all the things all the time, but aim for at least a few from each category consistently.
And remember: self-care is not selfish. You deserve it. Take care of yourself.
With love,
Toni