by Gabby Struve, graduate student intern

What is your initial reaction when you hear or read the words money, personal finances, and financial wellness? As a therapist, I often watch the bodies of my clients tense up as stress and anxiety washes over them whenever I ask about their relationship with money. The American Psychological Association’s latest Stress in America survey found that 72% of Americans reported feeling stressed about money at some point in the prior month. When every decision you make involves money, it makes sense that financial stress is one of the leading causes of stress in today’s world.

Almost every decision you make comes at a cost. The undeniable truth is that money permeates every corner of life, entwining with each decision you make. Whether you are thinking about where to live or if you want to move in with your partner(s), cost of living and the specifics of sharing your finances play a role in that decision. Planning a weekend vacation takes time, energy, and money. Want to have a child? Consider the cost of having and raising a child. However, money is not just about the numbers. It’s about financial wellness and how you want to live your life.

What is financial wellness?

Financial wellness is more than understanding money or setting financial goals. According to financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin (2022), financial wellness is “understanding your financial picture, having enough financial literacy to create financial plans, and making sure that your emotions are balanced when you engage with money.”

It’s about feeling good about your money habits and viewing money as a tool to live the life you want to live. Additionally, improving your financial wellness helps reduce your financial stress, which leads to an increased ability to manage your finances in a way that is congruent to your values and goals.

Below are four steps towards financial wellness.

1) Understanding Your Money Story & Money Scripts

A money story is your personal experience and relationship with money that is unique to you. It affects your beliefs, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors around personal finances. It’s the overall narrative or beliefs surrounding money that you develop over time. While money stories provide a broader framework for understanding your relationship with money, money scripts are specific beliefs or attitudes within that framework that guide financial behaviors and decisions.

Understanding your money story and it’s scripts can provide valuable insight into your relationship with money in several ways, such as:

Exploring emotional connections and addressing behavioral patterns - Money is deeply intertwined with emotions, and exploring your money story can uncover emotional patterns that influence your financial decisions. Whether it's fear, guilt, shame, or excitement, understanding the emotions tied to your money story allows you to manage them more effectively and make more congruent financial choices. For example, someone experiencing a “money avoidance” script might avoid dealing with financial matters if money was a source of stress or conflict, leading to procrastination or avoidance of financial matters entirely due to negative experiences with money.
Challenging limiting beliefs - Once you understand your money story and scripts, you can critically evaluate whether these beliefs are rational, beneficial, or align with your values. This allows you to challenge outdated or harmful beliefs.
Improving financial decision making - Evaluate if your beliefs align with your financial goals and adjust your behaviors accordingly. For instance, someone with a scarcity mindset may learn to recognize opportunities for abundance and financial growth.
Improving communication - For couples or families, understanding each other's money stories can facilitate better communication and collaboration in managing finances. It allows you to empathize with each other's perspectives and work together to find common ground and shared financial goals.
Building financial resilience - By acknowledging past challenges and setbacks, you can develop strategies to overcome obstacles and adapt to future financial uncertainties with confidence. Awareness of your money story provides a foundation for building financial resilience.

Below are money reflection prompts that can help you understand your money beliefs and values more deeply. You can do these journaling prompts on your own, with your partner, your social supports, and even with your therapist:

Early Influences and Beliefs

What were your earliest memories or experiences related to money?
How did your family handle money when you were growing up?
What messages did you receive about money from your caregivers or family members?
How do you think your upbringing has influenced your current relationship with money?
Recall significant financial events in your life. How did you react to them?
Write down common statements or beliefs you have about money. Notice the language you use when talking about money. Are there recurring themes or phrases? Examples of different money statements and beliefs: “I don’t deserve to have a lot of money,” “I feel guilty when I spend money on myself,” “Money can buy happiness,” “Having more money will solve all my problems,” “People judge me based on my financial status,” “ Having more money makes me a better person,” “I worry a lot about not having enough money,” “Saving is more important than spending,” “ Money doesn’t grow on trees,” “You have to spend money to make money,” and “Financial security means peace of mind.”
Consider whether you tie your self-worth to your financial status.

Emotional Connections

What emotions come up for you when you think about money?
Have you ever felt shame, guilt, fear, or anxiety related to money?
Do you see money as a source of security, power, freedom, or something else?
How do you feel when you spend money versus when you save money?
What emotional triggers cause you to either hoard money or spend irresponsibly?

Values and Priorities

What role does money play in your life? How important is it to you?
What are your financial goals, both short-term and long-term?
Are there any conflicts between your values and how you manage your money?
How do you prioritize spending and saving in your life?

Patterns and Behaviors

Can you identify any recurring patterns or habits in your financial decisions?
How do you typically react to financial stress or unexpected expenses?
Do you tend to avoid dealing with financial issues, or do you confront them head-on?
Do you notice any patterns in how you handle unexpected financial gains or instances of financial success?

External Influences

How do your relationships with others (family, friends, partners) influence your relationship with money?
Have societal or cultural messages about money impacted how you view it?
How does your work or career affect your relationship with money?
What are your financial boundaries?

Goal Setting and Changes

What changes, if any, would you like to make in how you relate to money?
What are some realistic steps you can take to achieve your financial goals?
How do you envision your ideal relationship with money?
What support or resources do you need to make positive changes in this area?

Reflection and Awareness

Are there any beliefs or attitudes about money that you'd like to challenge or explore further?
What does it mean to you to have “not enough” money? What does it mean to you to have “too much” money?
How has your relationship with money evolved over time?
What insights have you gained about yourself through examining your relationship with money?
What does your realistic and ideal financial life look like and include?

2) Understand your financial landscape

Even if you know nothing about money or if you know everything about money, it is important to understand your financial landscape so you know what direction you want to take your finances. In addition, it helps you put what you learn about money into action. Understanding your financial situation helps you feel better about money. Set some time aside and review your finances, and make sure you can answer these questions:

How much money do I earn each month?
How much are my monthly expenses?
How much debt do I owe?
What assets do I own?
Am I contributing to a retirement account?

As you are answering these questions, put them into a budget, also known as a spending plan. A budget is just one tool in your personal finance toolkit. A budget might help you understand your personal financial landscape better and see where you want to improve in managing your money to reach the goals you want.

I recommend two budgeting templates. You can choose which one works for you based on your financial goals and needs.

The first is from Ramit Sethi, and it is called a Conscious Spending Plan. It’s a budgeting approach that makes you look forward instead of backwards and emphasizing spending money on things that are matter to you the most.

The second budgeting approach is from Reggie Paquette and, I am not going to lie, it is quiet intimidating at first glance, but Reggie walks you through the steps as you are filling it out. It’s in Google Sheets, but you can download it as an excel file after you copy it to your drive. Reggie takes the principles and concepts from Ramit Sethi’s personal finance philosophy (which can be found in this book listed below) and expands it into a detail budgeting template that not only tracks monthly spending and how much you need to save per month for monthly, annual, and irregular expenses, but it also tracks it yearly. It is very detailed and might take an hour or two to set up; however, once it is set up it is easy to maintain and get’s you in the habit of knowing your financial behaviours.

Remember these are just examples of what your budget can look like. If these don’t work for you or align with your financial values and goals, make your own or ask for help in identifying another financial tool. Budgets are just one tool in your toolbox. You can use it or not (:

3) Learn About Money

Although you don’t need to be fluent in money to have financial wellness, understanding how money works can help you understand how to make your money work for you so you can live the life you want to live. To break it down simply, financial literacy involves knowing how to budget, save, invest, borrow, and protect your finances.

However, it can be difficult and overwhelming to know where to start. Sometimes understanding your financial landscape first helps provide clarity on how you want to budget or invest your money. Or sometimes hearing others perspectives about money can be helpful in generating ideas on what you want to specifically want to learn about money.

Here are some websites that are helpful in understanding the technical aspects of personal finances:

Here are some videos that can be helpful too:

Here are some books about money and personal finance

I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Sethi (and workbook)
Die with Zero: Getting All You Can from Your Money and Your Life by Bill Perkins
The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley
The Bogleheads’ Guide To Investing by Mel Lindauer, Taylor Larimore, Michael LeBoeuf
The Simple Path To Wealth by JL Collins
The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housal
Keeping Finance Personal: Ditch the “Should” and the Shame and Rewrite Your Money Story by Ellyce Fulmore
Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin & Joe Dominguez
You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero
The Black Girl’s Guide to Financial Freedom by Paris Woods
Finance for the People: Getting a Grip on Your Finances by Paco de Leon
Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap

Here are some podcasts:

4) Set financial goals

Setting financial goals is another stepping stone to start your financial wellness journey; however, setting financial goals that are value-based and that are congruent to how you want to live your life makes it even more motivating to work to reach that goal and satisfying when you achieve it. Here are some starting points to help set financial goals:

Brainstorm

All the financial goals you want to meet
Brainstorm short-term, medium-term, long-term financial goals

Short-term: within 3 years or shorter

Building an emergency fund, paying off small debts or sinking funds, saving for a vacation, purchasing something you want or need, tax fund

Medium-term: between 3-10 years

Big purchases (i.e. a car), funding education, down payment for a house, starting a small business, extended travel

Long-term: Longer than 10 years

Funding retirement, buying a house, college fund for children, paying off large debts,

What you need to live the life you want to and what steps you need to take to get there

SMART-ER Goals

SMART-ER goals are goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound that also allows you to Evaluate the progress of your goal and Revise any steps to help you reach that goal (hence, they are SMARTER than SMART haha). Check out Financial Therapist Lindsey Konchar blog post about SMART-er goals for concrete examples for short, medium, and long-term financial goals.

Specific

Make your financial goal clear, well-defined, and specific to you. Instead of staying “I want to save money,” specific how much you want to save and for what purpose. For example, “I want to save $5,000 within the next 6 months so I can go on a week long vacation to Japan with my partner next summer. This is because I enjoy spending my money on experience and I enjoy quality time with my partner.”

Measurable

Your goals should be quantifiable so you can track your progress. You should be able to answer questions like “How much?” and “How many?” If your goal is to build an emergency fund or save for a vacation, specify the exact amount you want to contribute to it and how often.

Achievable

Your goal should be realistic and attainable within your financial means. Consider your income, expenses, and any other financial obligations.

Relevant

Ensure that your financial goal aligns with your overall financial objectives and values.

Time-Bound

Set a deadline for achieving your financial goal. A deadline keeps you accountable and motivated to reach your goal.

Evaluate

How will you assess and reflect on the progress of your financial goal? For example, “I will review my budget every 4 weeks to make sure $500 per paycheck is still doable”

Revise

Make any necessary adjustments to your financial goal. For example, “If during my saving period, I realize I want or need to adjust my savings rate, I will do so. Also, if I get extra income, will save it in my travel fund until I reach my goal of $5,000.”

FUN Goals

If SMART-ER goals isn’t your thing and it feels too ridged. Tryout using FUN goals framework for setting financial goals. It is based off of disability advocate Emily Ladau FUN goals. Emily describes FUN goals as flexible, uplifting, and numberless. However, since we are setting financial goals, financial therapist Lindsay Bryan-Podvin describes FUN goals as Flexible, Uplifting, and Number-based. Here’s a breakdown of the template and check out Lindsay’s blog post for more concrete examples of different goals and how to make FUN goals actually fun:

Cost of the Goal: Get a clear about the actual cost of your goal. So instead of “saving up for a new watch,” search for the watch you want, and how much it costs to buy it.
Timeline to Achieve: How many months or years do you want to save up for that goal? Is it a goal that you have to achieve within a certain timeframe, or is it a ballpark goal?
Temporary Downshifts or Spending Less: What are the temporary costs that you can get rid of or spend less on?
Temporary Upshifts or Earning More: What are the temporary ways you can earn more money while you save for your goal?
Uplifting or Values-Based Reasoning for the Goal: Why do you want to achieve this goal? What’s the values its aligned with? Does it feel congruent to you and the life you want to live (i.e., does it feel good)?
Timeline Flexibility Plan: What’s a flexible timeline you can give yourself? Allow some space for the “life happens.” For example, if you want to achieve your goal in ideally 6 months but you know “life happens,” maybe set the goal for a timeframe of 6-10 months.

To get more comfortable with talking about and feeling good about money, you have to first understand how you currently feel about money. Use your money story and scripts to help identify your current emotions around money in the present (i.e., anxious, avoidant, fearful, lost, excited, calm), then ask yourself how you want to feel about money and how you want to talk about money with yourself and others. Lean on using your money story, learning about money, and understanding your financial landscape to help reduce financial anxiety and start feeling more comfortable with talking about money and using money as a tool to live the life you want to.